Need Help Parenting Step Children? Read 7 Advices !
Posted: Friday, February 05, 2010
by Laura Kaine
YourParentingHelp
It is an excellent initiative to try to find advices on parenting step children. This means you care and cherish the bond you can create with them to eventually be respected and loved by them. You shouldn't expect to be listened to at first or to be permitted to discipline them. You'll have to do one thing at a time.
To sum up the progression of your relationship with your step children, you'll start a little bit as a babysitter, then will be seen in some way like an uncle or aunt and inevitably as a serious parent, a really close member of the family. Don't forget you wish to become their friend. Their mother and father are here for the discipline part, you're not. And yes, that's an advantage!
1- Be straightforward when introducing who you are and what you would like to be for them. Make sure they comprehend you don't want to steal the role of their mum or dad. You need to be out of the discipline issue from the start. Make clear you will not apply punishments but will just do what has been set with their mother and father by reporting bad behaviors to them merely because they decide of the consequences. It's an agreement you have. You only want to know your step children more and to be friends if that seems all right for them. Discuss openly to help them express what they think. You're an "intruder" for them, it's perfectly natural.
2- Express some interest in your step children's activities . They probably will find that odd and may not participate a lot but keep communicating with them, it'll pay off. Always try to know what is going on in their lives, attempt to remember what they discuss, the name of their friends, important dates... It'll astonish them. Parenting step children actually is about being there.
3- Be a team with your loved one . Speak with one voice or the step children might attempt to turn one against the other and benefit from your disagreements. If your loved one legitimates your role in the family, it'll be a lot easier for you.
4- Be persistent in your attempt to establish a deep relationship with your step children. It takes persistence of course but don't lose hope. If you're constant in your behaviour, your step children will more likely count on you. Simply be there for them and respect the time they need to get closer to you.
5- Spend some time alone with them , do things they like. On your way back home, stop by a cafe to drink or eat something and talk a little. It will allow them to see a different part of you and they will keep in mind what you shared and how fun and nice it was. Doing one-on-one activities can make parenting step children much easier and will develop the relationship faster.
6- Be honest with what you feel . Let them know it's hard for you but that you sincerely would like to be their friend. Ask them what they feel. By communicating freely, they'll be a lot more willing to reveal their feelings toward you. Naturally it may hurt a little bit, but because they will be surprised you aren't their enemy and understand them, they will feel compassion for you too!
7- Keep your sense of humor ! It will eventually help the family look at things in perspective and will relieve some tensions. Humor can definitely help you get closer to your step children.
It would be a lie to claim that parenting step children is extremely simple but with those 7 steps, I'm pretty sure you can create your own place in their hearts and become a real member of the family. You are going to be respected and loved. Be available for them, be consistent, entertaining and compassionate.
A last word for the step mothers and fathers of pretty difficult children. You might be interested in the website I launched with some parents where you can read reviews of a selection of parenting programs we tested. They can significantly help parenting step children that are really tough to deal and communicate with . By the way, one of the authors of those methods is a step dad! The link is my bio if you are interested. Tricky situations have to be acted upon, otherwise they just worsen or at least do not create anything.
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